The First Meeting – Dos and Don’ts for Surrogates

Here are some tips for a successful first meeting with your intended parents.

If you have found a potential match for your surrogacy journey, congratulations! 

You’ve most likely looked at several IP profiles at this point to find the ones that you’re interested in. However, when it comes to intended parents, a profile won’t tell you everything you need to know about them, which is why talking to them on the phone or meeting them in person is so necessary and valuable. We understand that the first conversation can seem daunting and awkward at first, but it is the best way for you to get to know your intended parents on a personal level. So don’t be afraid to be open, vulnerable, and ask many important questions!  

1. Do Prepare

Surrogates should familiarize themselves with their IP match’s profile before their first meeting. Keep in mind that the IP’s will want to learn more about you during this first meeting. Questions could range from “what’s your favorite hobby” to asking in-depth questions about your prior deliveries. So make sure you know what to expect, and don’t be afraid to open up, as well as set healthy boundaries to ensure you and your IP’s have a comfortable relationship with one another.

2. Do Ask TONS of Questions

Just as the IP’s are sure to have tons of questions for you, you’re sure to have lots of questions for them as well. Now, this step is likely to need a bit of preparation because it’s not uncommon to go from having tons of questions to turning a blank when coming face-to-face with your intended parents for the first time.

So, to ease those initial nerves, set yourself up for success. Write down a list of questions you’d like to ask your IP’s.

For example:

“What are your interests and hobbies?”

“Why do you want to become parents?”

“What is your family like?”

“What traditions are you hoping to pass down to your child?”

“Why did you become interested in pursuing surrogacy?”

We understand that the first meeting may seem a bit awkward for you, but never forget that your IP’s are probably feeling the same! So don’t be afraid to ask whatever questions you need answering to make sure you and your IP’s have the exact expectations for this upcoming journey.

3. Don’t Rush the Process

Don’t be afraid to ease into the process. Don’t be scared to move at your own pace and keep yourself comfortable, as everything can seem overwhelming and frightening at first. Make sure to check in with yourself during the entirety of this process because both Alcea and your IP’s want to make sure it’s as comfortable for you as possible! 

4. Don’t Get Too Overwhelmed

This is undoubtedly an overwhelming process. Don’t be afraid to speak to your discomfort or anxiety as you enter this journey. We know there is a ton of information, and so much can blur together! Whether you have questions or not, it’s important to let us know when you’ve been given too much information. For the most part, the initial meeting can be relatively light. Still, if you are entering into this journey as a first-time intended parent, you might find yourself lost with the amount of medical, legal, and financial information involved. That’s okay! This first meeting doesn’t have to be an information overload, and we are here to give you the information you need along the way in the most digestible way possible. Lean on us!

5. Do Discuss Your Surrogacy Goals and Preferences

Just as you will ask the intended parents questions about surrogacy and the IP’s personally, the intended parents will also ask you questions about your personal goals and preferences so make sure you’re prepared for a very back and forth conversation!

Take this opportunity to discuss your surrogacy goals and preferences, that way, you and your IP’s can make sure you’re always on the same page.

For example:

“How many embryo transfers will you attempt?”

“How many embryos do you want to transfer at a time?”

“What are your thoughts on selective reduction and termination?”

“Do you have certain legal and medical professionals in mind for this process?”

“What kind of relationship are you hoping to have with me before, during, and after the baby’s birth?”

“What do you plan to tell your child about their surrogacy history, and what do you plan to tell them about me?”

6. Don’t Interrogate

While we completely understand that you must have tons of questions for your IP’s upon your first meeting, be aware that this is a very vulnerable process for your intended parents as well. Even though you are curious about many things, make sure you remain respectful and keep the conversation light. Just as it’s crucial for you as a surrogate to have healthy boundaries, remember that your IP’s will have certain boundaries as well. Alcea screens your IP’s thoroughly, so we will make sure both your IP’s and your needs are adequately met every step of the way.

7. Do Be Yourself

When you meet your intended parents for the first time, it’s normal to feel nervous. Stay true to yourself and let your personality shine through! Your IP’s matched with you for a reason! So don’t be afraid to be comfortable and be yourself!

The first meeting between Alcea and an intended parent will serve as the stepping stone to your future. We want to make your surrogacy journey as smooth, supportive, and successful as possible. We want to answer your questions, address your concerns, and learn more about you! Schedule your first consultation with the Alcea team, and let’s get started on expanding your family.

Learn more about surrogacy

The Alcea website is filled with resources for you to better understand the commitment and benefits of becoming a surrogate. If you are interested in learning more, please click on one of the links below or click here to set up a time to speak with one of our team members.

Read our ebook – Surrogacy: Everything you need to know about becoming a gestational carrier

Explore the surrogate process

Learn more about surrogate compensation

See if you qualify to become a surrogate